papa pitt gets all deep : V1N2

i think this is sweet and quite true.

"i'll trade wisdom for youth any day. … it's a tragedy in the sense that any love involves loss, and that's the risk you take. and the greater the love, the greater the loss. i certainly feel that now with the woman i'm with, and the children that i have. But whatever the course may be, this time together is extraordinary."

my ox, o ox : V1N2

2009 is the year of il torino! what's this you may ask? well i consulted the i-ching internets and found some interesting detail to share:

The Year of the Ox is denoted by the earthly branch character 丑.

The Ox is the sign of prosperity through fortitude and hard work. This powerful sign is a born leader, being quite dependable and possessing an innate ability to achieve great things. As one might guess, such people are dependable, calm, and modest. Like their animal namesake, the Ox is unswervingly patient, tireless in their work, and capable of enduring any amount of hardship without complaint.

the current ox birth cycle:

• 26 January 2009 - 14 February 2010: EARTH ox

the polarity of the ox is yin. the gemstone onyx (the color of the bull). traditional element is water. the ox season is winter.

norsk elektronisk jazz: nils peter molvaer : V1N2

everytime i hear something by molvaer i get hyped. i love his rhythms and variation on downbeat jazz. i'm always fascinated to see how musicians from other countries re-invent one of the richest gifts black american culture has blessed upon the world. within jazz there are limitless possibilities to explore. so this norwegian trumpeter comes along, mixing the traditional with electronic downbeat and voila! his music is so sublime that a melodic rhythm will literally wake me up from my sleep and i imagine i'm walking along the beach at the sea of cortez. his music can be transcendent even experimental, but is still very much rooted in the old school of the swirling, abstract brass. i think louis or miles would be pleased.

i discovered molvaer listening to my favorite ambient station groove salad, which podcasts out of san francisco and supports independent artists. you can find a compilation of his works on amazon.com and listen to some samples. his latest releases is khmer. chill vibes, my people!

Nils Peter Molvader - Song of Sand

homage: santa's baby : V1N2`

i heard ms. kitt passed away xmas day. this was a true diva who lived fiercely and was unashamed of flaunting her sumptuous black sensuality.

ms. kitt was born in north carolina to a black cherokee woman (hence those stunning cheekbones) and a white man she knew little about. as a young girl she was sent to live with an aunt in harlem. on a goof she auditioned with the katherine dunham dance company and the rest is history. she carried the legacy of josephine baker, singing sultry songs in parisian cabaret shows and mercilessly slaying men with her provocative, feline allure. in the 1970s she had a big success with the african-themed musical kismet! (this was long before the lion king hit the scene). she had been performing regularly at the cafe carlyle in new york the last 17 years. this is a charming spot for the old school nyc set of giblets and pearls.

i grew up seeing her in re-runs of old variety shows and (my favorite) as catwoman in the 1960s batman series. she was in my opinion the coolest catwoman ever. her campy kitten image was perfect for this role and she worked it. in the early 90s she had me rolling as the cosmetics tycoon lady eloise in boomerang with eddie murphy. as she was seducing eddie's character, marcus graham, she was a riot just simply beckoning him into her boudoir, 'maaaaah-kuhssss.' dude had no chance! i just adored her.

ms. kitt was of the era of the true diva. leopard print + lipstick, sequined satin and stilettos. she attributed her flawless complexion to a ritual of slathering on vaseline every night. this was a beauty secret for several generations of black women. (tip! i wouldn't recommend putting petroleum-based anything on your face. we've come a long way since then). of my favorite of her songs, 'santa baby' is a classic around the holidays. she performed this, half naked except for a stole wrap and high heels. and she purred like nobody's business. wicked, mama, mad wicked!

many blessings, ms. kitt.

encounters at the end of the world: V1N2

about 10 years ago i was fascinated with the idea of packing it in and fall off into antarctica. maybe work as an assistant to some mad-genius geologist or help charter tourists around mcmurdo station. i gathered some information and did nothing. i instead switched up my game and went to visit relatives in italy (a warmer location, no doubt!)

though over the years my interest in going to the vast continent has never diminished. to meditate on the landscape and experience endless day (or night depending on the time of year). i think what appeals to me is being in an isolated place, far removed from civilization. to see how can i cope in such an environment, to mediate on the science of nature and be in silence with myself and the earth.

recently i watched werner herzog's documentary encounters at the end of the world. he got the hook up through the National Science Foundation's Antarctic Artists and Writers Program to make a film on antarctica. herzog does his own narration and at times his own reflections are hilarious (and very german: ' i loathe the sun on my celluloid and on my skin'.), but he is often touched by the people, their ideas, stories, and of course the land and the other-worldly dimension beneath the Ross Sea. antarctica is one of the most fascinating places on earth.

i'm suggesting this film for the next science instructors gathering. it re-affirms my dream to make my way there 0ne day, to marvel at life on earth, and climb the active volcano mt. erebus, its name taken from erebus in greek mythology. he was the son of a primordial god, chaos, and represented the personification of darkness and shadow, which filled in all the corners and crannies of the world.

there is a beautiful saying by an american philosopher, alan watts who said, 'through our eyes the universe is perceiving itself and through our ears the universe is listening to its cosmic harmonies. and we are witness through which the universe becomes conscious of its glory'.

- stephan pashov
philosopher and forklift driver, mcmurdo station.

encounters at the end of the world

big time: jazmine sullivan : V1N2

i've been reading a lot about this emerging diva from philly that mixes r&B (with dub, jazz, and hip hop). she's all over the place, nominated for grammies and got a rave in the NYT for her performance at SOB's in New York. she has a stunning voice and soulful vibe.

good stuff, my people!

Jazmine Sullivan - Need U Bad

my parental Q&A : V1N2

i had this vision that if i could take my folks, seated on a stage and have a Q&A with them. you see, this would be i'm sure hilarious yet revealing. my pops was diagnosed with schizophrenia in the 70s and before that blew up he may have had a type of narcissistic personality disorder. my mother has developed depression; what i think is some form of post-traumatic stress disorder from hooking up with the old fool in the first place.

theirs is quite a salacious tale of chaotic love and betrayal. ma came to california with her first husband, a lounge-lizard piano player of maltese descent. he was 20 years her senior and looked a lot like jean cocteau. they were drawn to the arty beatnik scene of san francisco and left new york city for the brave new world inhabited by ginsberg, kerouac, and espresso.

my folks met at a house party in the fillmore. pops was working on his second bachelor's degree at the catholic university, USF. ma's husband joe played piano bars around the city; spots like the st. francis hotel and occasionally cafes and joints around north beach where all the cool cats kicked it.

well ma fell head over heels over pop. he was (honestly) a strikingly good-looking dude, but worst yet he knew it, which can make a young man unbearably dangerous and arrogant. ma made the first moves and pops was initially apprehensive because she was a married woman. well you know, the flesh is week and desire is strong. they had an affair and she got pregnant with me.

so she left joe and settled in with pops. they got an apartment in the fillmore where we lived when i was a baby. 16 months later my sister nina was born and they took a large flat in an apartment building in the haight where we lived for a several years. the neighborhood at that time was a bizarre mix of russian immigrants, hippies, revolutionaries, and junkies.

the folks had a brief separation around the time i was 5 maybe. then they bought a modest house in bernal heights, a neighborhood south of the mission district. my sister and i had a front yard to play in and we went to a hippie progressive school in the area.

then things fell apart. i can't discern exactly when, but eventually the happy family scene disintegrated into chaos. pops was seeing other women (even at one time took us to visit a girlfriend in the projects). then when ma decided two could play that game, he became abusive and tyrannical. he struck her in front of us, his own children. what kind of man does that? cops came to the house on several occasions and there were many times we went to stay with friends or in shelters to escape the mayhem. i can' t imagine how difficult that must have been for ma. she was from a working class family of italian immigrants. this was a whole new harsh ghetto experience for her; fleeing an abusive relationship with two small children. she managed as best she could trying to keep it together. she had a nervous breakdown when i was about 12, which i think was exacerbated by anguish and overwhelming stress. pops by this time was on the streets, a prisoner of his own demons and incapable of caring for his kids should anything happen to her.

oh yeah. rough times, my friend.

so i would ask my folks why the fuck did they hook up in the first place? what were you thinking to bring children into this mess?

truthfully i know the answers, which are messy, evasive, and maybe even hilarious when i imagine this scenario extrapolated from various conversations over the years and my sense of their personalities:

ma: i got pregnant by accident and i wanted him, so i decided to give it a try. i didn't know him well enough, but i was in love.

pop: i loved you too, norma.

ma: (scowls) yeah, right.

Q: then why did you cheat on her and abuse her, pops?

pop: that was the CIA and the FBI. it was all a conspiracy because they didn't want me with a white woman. they told me: nigger, what are you doing having babies with that white woman? we'll kill you, nigger.

Q: ok, pops. so you're saying the CIA and the FBI made you a cheating, lying, abusive husband?

pops: well....no. i guess that was my fault. but they had me stressed out. coming to the house talking about gonorrhea and the clap. and the homosexuals...they just kept bothering me.

Q: i see. and ma, how did you deal with this?

ma: well, i was really overwhelmed trying to raise you kids and him smacking me around. but anyway...that's all water under the bridge now.

Q: have you forgiven him?

ma: why do you ask me that? have you forgiven him? i did the best i could raising you kids with no support. he really did a number on me.

Q: do you think that is because you're white?

ma: i think that was part of it, yes. i think he thought because i was white i would put up with that crap. i don't think he would have treated a black woman that way.

pops: mmm... i'm sorry for what i put you through, norma.

ma: whatever....it's water under the bridge, howard.

Q: how do you think this relationship between you affected your kids?

pops: well.....i could have done better. been a better father and husband. but i wasn't in a good place back then. people were harassing me about my nursing degree and being a green beret. they were really out to get me. telling me, ' get your black ass outta here. we don't want you in the green berets '. i've been trying to make it up to you and your sister since then. yeah....i was going through some head trips i guess.

Q: and you ma?

ma: all i know is i did the best i could. it was a very difficult experience for me. do we really need to get into this again?

Q: why didn't you move back east where you had more support?

ma: i grew up in a family where you made your bed you lie in it. anyway, i didn't think it would have been easy for you kids living in a small town like dover at the time.

Q: because we're black?

ma: yes. (sighs) i'm really not comfortable talking about this.

Q: don't you think this is in a way healing to talk about it?

ma: healing shmealing. it was a long time ago. you kids turned out fine. i wasn't running around in bars looking for men. you weren't neglected. i did the best i could.

Q: i understand, ma. it was difficult.

ma: wasn't your break-up with christian difficult? or marrying that carlos from belize?

Q: his name was carl. and we're not talking about my relationships, ma. we're talking about you and pop.

ma: why?

Q: so i can get a better understanding about the relationship of my parents as a man and a woman.

ma: what do you want to know?

Q: ma, you just said you didn't want to talk about it.

ma: that's not the point.

Q: ok. moving on! pops how are you feeling these days?

pops: okay i guess. i sit around listening to jazz and smoke my pipe. it would be nice to have a lady friend, but i don't think i'll ever meet a good a woman as your mother. i haven't had very good luck with women since we left the house on elsie street.

ma: (humph) i seem to remember you refused to leave that house. you said it was your house and you were the king of your castle. i had to move out with the kids. what kind of crap was that?

pops: yeah....i am sorry about that, norma.

Q: and you ma? how are you feeling these days?

ma: i'm fine. i like my own company. i read a lot and working part-time keeps me busy. but my knees are giving me trouble since the trip to alaska. i'm going to see a specialist, but i'm a little concerned about whether or not my medicare will cover it if i need surgery. i hope i don't of course. getting old is no walk in the park, lemme tell you. i saw this program on CNN once....

Q: well, my thanks ma and pop for taking the time to talk with me. i love you both.

pop: i love you two, tiks. and nina too. my bambinos!

ma: why do you call them bambinos? where did you get that from?

pop: they're my bambinos and they're italian...like their beautiful mother!

ma: give it a rest, howard.


dedicated to ma + pop