Welcome to the latest install of Words with Real Bishes. I created this as a response to the current state of issues around race and gender in America, particularly for women of color. Since we don't control the media, what I do read or see is often filtered through a white gaze. I want us to speak for ourselves, to be our own media. Like Jodeci said, come and talk to me!
Today I welcome my dear friend Irma. My nickname for her is Queen Irma because she is. We grew up together in Berkeley. I've always been impressed by her resilience, genuine kindness, and enduring charm. She also has the coolest laugh.
MsLisa: Tell me how we met?
Queen: Girl, we met in 9th grade at what was West Campus back in the day. It's part of the Berkeley Adult School now.
MsLisa: What do you remember about us in 9th grade?
Queen: Well, we were teenagers trying to navigate life and figure things out through music and observing the people around us. You were the creative and artistic one. Between Celine and U, we were trying to find our voices, too. We did bond over James Dean. He was our dead man crush (laughs).
Mslisa: Who were La Blue Eyes and Geronimo?
queen: La Blue Eyes and Geronimo! (laughs) Geronimo was Matteo - I definitely remember him. He was so fine! La Blue Eyes was this dude Aaron you had a crush on. We used code names in the notes we'd pass to each other in class. Nerd girls! (laughs).
MsLisa: When we went to Berkeley High for 10th grade, we didn't see each other as much. What do you think happened?
Queen: I believe our worlds opened up more once we went to 10th grade. West Campus was small. At Berkeley High we didn't have the same classes or hang out with the same people. It's a big school.
MsLisa: How do you define Berkeley Black?
Queen: A Berkeley Black person who is not necessarily defined by being black. We're different culturally than say folks in Detroit or Atlanta, even Oakland. We grew up in a very diverse city exposed to all sorts of things. Sure, I was a young black girl in Berkeley, but I loved going to the James Dean festival or to see Dance Craze at the UC Theater.
Mslisa: Berkeley High was the first public high school in the country to have an African American Studies curriculum. Did you take that class?
Queen: Nope. I didn't take that class or Swahili (which Berkeley High still offers as a language elective - hella cool!), but we had a lot of other options.
Mslisa: Back then you loved Adam and the Ants and David Bowie. What about their music appealed to you?
Queen: Well, the 80s was a very androgynous era. Adam fit the bill. He wasn't gender-specific. I loved the double drummers of the band and their lyrics had no connection to anything really. David Bowie too - the androgynous thing. His voice is like a meditation to me. His lyrics are interesting and very symbolic.
MsLisa: What's your favorite Bowie album?
Queen: Bow Live. I think it came out around 1977.
MsLisa: After high school where did life take you?
Queen: I went straight to UC Berkeley for summer school. At the time it was just me and my mom. She wasn't in good health and I was also taking care of her.
MsLisa: Did you graduate from UC berkeley?
Queen: No. I had to drop out. My mother stopped working so the household responsibilities fell to me. Someone had to pay the bills. (sighs)
MsLisa: Do you resent that that happened?
Queen: Yeah, a little.
MsLisa: So, at a young age you had to go to work. Did you settle down with anyone during that time?
Queen: Yes, I've always been a serial monogamist. I was with Prentiss for for 15 years and we had two beautiful children. I met him at Berkeley High. Prentiss passed away in 2003.
MsLisa: Tell me about your kids?
Queen: My kids are awesome! They're cute and really fascinating people. They helped me learn more about myself as a person and as a parent. They helped me develop my own belief system. I feel like i have a degree in psychology now. (laughs)
MsLisa: What are your kids doing now?
Queen: My daughter just finished her first year at UC Merced. We lost PJ in a car accident about 5 years ago. I was actually closer to PJ when I think about it. He was an optimistic and lively kid. People just adored him! I think a lot of people appreciated that he was so genuine and caring. As he got older I had abandoned the whole traditional church thing, but PJ went to church every Sunday.
MsLisa: What church did he go to?
Queen : Progressive Baptist Church in Berkeley. After he lost his dad, I believe, he abandoned religion.
MsLisa: How did you cope with losing a partner and a child?
Queen: Girl, one breath at a time. Lots of therapy and lots of crying.
MsLisa: Did you have a good support system around you through all that?
Queen : I have an incredible support system and a lot of love. It could be a hug from someone or a text message. I appreciate all of that very much.
MsLisa : Tell me about the day of the accident?
Queen: It was around 1:00pm. I called PJ and I asked him if he had taken the cat to the vet. He said, ' Yeah, I took the cat to the vet. I'm driving with Kyle right now.' I heard Kyle say ' Hi ' in the background. The accident happened about 20 minutes after that call. It's interesting to me that he had posted a thing on Facebook the day before that said
' Tomorrow is going to be short.'
MsLisa : How did you find out about the accident?
Queen: I had come home from the store. I noticed there was a police car across the street. This cop approached me and asked me if we could go inside to talk. I said, ' You're making me nervous. Are the boys okay? ' Then he asked me, '...Is someone here with you? '
Then finally he told me what happened. They identified PJ by my name, which was tattooed on his left arm and Amri's name was tattooed on his right arm. He had his phone with him, his ID, and his uncle's watch. I still have the watch in a plastic bag. It reminds me of how Yoko Ono held on to John's blood-stained eyeglasses. I had been keeping a journal for PJ since he was a baby and he'll never read it. We had plans and everything - all of that was cut short. He never even finished the Harry Potter series, which he absolutely loved.
MsLisa : Do you feel he's still with you?
Queen: No. He's in my heart and Amri's for sure. He was my kid. Do I feel like he passed to another realm and he's watching over us? No.
MsLisa: What has sustained you since that happened?
Queen: My daughter Amri. I certainly wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her. I still have moments where I just fall apart. I can't listen to Forever Young by Alicia Keys. I can't hear Drake because he loved Drake. He never had the chance to go see him in concert. Everything....is just a matter of trying to hold it together. I have to be there for my daughter and try make it to that next breath.
MsLisa: When you think about the future for yourself what do you see?
Queen : Well, I plan to retire to Puerto Rico and definitely see Egypt. Paris! Especially because of Josephine Baker and James Baldwin. I want to see where they lived. I want to be hanging out with my man, whoever that may be (laughs ). When I go, I want to go out with a smile.
MsLisa: You mentioned Egypt. In all the years I've known you, you've always worn an ankh, like your ring. What does that mean to you?
MsLisa : How did you find out about the accident?
Queen: I had come home from the store. I noticed there was a police car across the street. This cop approached me and asked me if we could go inside to talk. I said, ' You're making me nervous. Are the boys okay? ' Then he asked me, '...Is someone here with you? '
Then finally he told me what happened. They identified PJ by my name, which was tattooed on his left arm and Amri's name was tattooed on his right arm. He had his phone with him, his ID, and his uncle's watch. I still have the watch in a plastic bag. It reminds me of how Yoko Ono held on to John's blood-stained eyeglasses. I had been keeping a journal for PJ since he was a baby and he'll never read it. We had plans and everything - all of that was cut short. He never even finished the Harry Potter series, which he absolutely loved.
MsLisa : Do you feel he's still with you?
Queen: No. He's in my heart and Amri's for sure. He was my kid. Do I feel like he passed to another realm and he's watching over us? No.
MsLisa: What has sustained you since that happened?
Queen: My daughter Amri. I certainly wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her. I still have moments where I just fall apart. I can't listen to Forever Young by Alicia Keys. I can't hear Drake because he loved Drake. He never had the chance to go see him in concert. Everything....is just a matter of trying to hold it together. I have to be there for my daughter and try make it to that next breath.
MsLisa: When you think about the future for yourself what do you see?
Queen : Well, I plan to retire to Puerto Rico and definitely see Egypt. Paris! Especially because of Josephine Baker and James Baldwin. I want to see where they lived. I want to be hanging out with my man, whoever that may be (laughs ). When I go, I want to go out with a smile.
MsLisa: You mentioned Egypt. In all the years I've known you, you've always worn an ankh, like your ring. What does that mean to you?
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| (c) Ankh by Jack Wan deviantart |
Queen : The ankh is a symbol of life and it pre-dates the cross. Prentiss bought me one about 20 years ago before he died. When I designed the headstone for me and Prentiss, I had an ankh added to it and an 8 ball for him. He used to show me how to play pool when I was really, really pregnant with PJ.
MsLisa: Did that headstone go to PJ?
Queen: Yeah, it was supposed to be for us; my mom had a plot at the cemetery for years. Prentiss and I had been together for a long time; going through all these ups and downs. So I planned a headstone with our symbols - the ankh and the 8 ball. I've told Amri that when I go, now I just want to be cremated.
MsLisa: So you don't want the ankh used in your passing?
Queen: Not if I'm reduced to ashes, no. I just want to go to Egypt and experience that. That would be enough for me at this point. I'm not tethered to an object.
MsLisa: In your professional life, what did you end up doing?
Queen : I fell into a 9 - 5 working at a local credit union, first as a receptionist. My skills evolved into finance and collections. When the credit union went through a merger, I ended up at the phone company. It was Pacific Bell back then. I didn't want any managerial responsibilities at first, but after about a year I took a management position.
Mslisa: What department did you work in?
Queen : I was a call center manager for the accessibility resources department. This was a call relay center for disabled customers - like TTY machines and transcription. We helped people with their bill and services. I managed a team of 15 - 18 people. I did that for about 9 and a half years.
MsLisa : Are you still in the same position?
Queen : No. I work in sales operations now. I liked both positions, but I enjoy working behind the scenes. It was an opportunity I couldn't pass up, so I applied for it.
MsLisa: What is your vision of Egypt?
Queen : I've got to get to the Temple of Hatsheput. She was maybe 16 or 17 and she became a pharaoh. She was a bad ass! She was killed by an asp. She had a baby, I think by her priest and mentor. There's a small statue made of onyx at a museum in Cairo of a priest holding a child.
MsLisa : What draws you to Egyptian history and philosophy?
Queen : They were a dynamic and creative civilization. They honored their dead and made beautiful art. The hieroglyphics told their stories and legends. I love all the natural stone and the fact that they were able to create such beautiful art and objects using rudimentary materials. It's amazing to me! They're a mystery and I think Egyptian culture is a wonder of the world.
MsLisa: Have you ever read The Book of the Dead?
Queen: I haven't. I mean, if I had gone into archaeology I would certainly know more. I dig into things here and there; articles and sometimes fiction based on the Egyptians. It's fascinating to me.
MsLisa : Did you see the King Tut exhibition when we were kids?
Queen : Yes!I think it was at the de Young Museum. It was amazing! There was one statue of a queen called Ethiopia Awakening. I went up to her and whispered 'Hello'. She's a bronze sculpture made by Meta Vaux Warrick Fuller around 1914. Fuller was a black renaissance artist who went to Paris to study under Auguste Rodin.
When I was in DC, I went to the Smithsonian because I had to see the African-American section and there she was again. The queen! She was standing alone in a corner in a room. I was in the gallery by myself at the time. That was maybe 8 years after seeing the King Tut exhibit. I love that sculpture, I think, because she represents black women in America.
MsLisa: Thank you so much for talking to me. I love you, girl!
Queen: I love you too!
MsLisa: Did that headstone go to PJ?
Queen: Yeah, it was supposed to be for us; my mom had a plot at the cemetery for years. Prentiss and I had been together for a long time; going through all these ups and downs. So I planned a headstone with our symbols - the ankh and the 8 ball. I've told Amri that when I go, now I just want to be cremated.
MsLisa: So you don't want the ankh used in your passing?
Queen: Not if I'm reduced to ashes, no. I just want to go to Egypt and experience that. That would be enough for me at this point. I'm not tethered to an object.
MsLisa: In your professional life, what did you end up doing?
Queen : I fell into a 9 - 5 working at a local credit union, first as a receptionist. My skills evolved into finance and collections. When the credit union went through a merger, I ended up at the phone company. It was Pacific Bell back then. I didn't want any managerial responsibilities at first, but after about a year I took a management position.
Mslisa: What department did you work in?
Queen : I was a call center manager for the accessibility resources department. This was a call relay center for disabled customers - like TTY machines and transcription. We helped people with their bill and services. I managed a team of 15 - 18 people. I did that for about 9 and a half years.
MsLisa : Are you still in the same position?
Queen : No. I work in sales operations now. I liked both positions, but I enjoy working behind the scenes. It was an opportunity I couldn't pass up, so I applied for it.
MsLisa: What is your vision of Egypt?
Queen : I've got to get to the Temple of Hatsheput. She was maybe 16 or 17 and she became a pharaoh. She was a bad ass! She was killed by an asp. She had a baby, I think by her priest and mentor. There's a small statue made of onyx at a museum in Cairo of a priest holding a child.
MsLisa : What draws you to Egyptian history and philosophy?
Queen : They were a dynamic and creative civilization. They honored their dead and made beautiful art. The hieroglyphics told their stories and legends. I love all the natural stone and the fact that they were able to create such beautiful art and objects using rudimentary materials. It's amazing to me! They're a mystery and I think Egyptian culture is a wonder of the world.
MsLisa: Have you ever read The Book of the Dead?
Queen: I haven't. I mean, if I had gone into archaeology I would certainly know more. I dig into things here and there; articles and sometimes fiction based on the Egyptians. It's fascinating to me.
MsLisa : Did you see the King Tut exhibition when we were kids?
Queen : Yes!I think it was at the de Young Museum. It was amazing! There was one statue of a queen called Ethiopia Awakening. I went up to her and whispered 'Hello'. She's a bronze sculpture made by Meta Vaux Warrick Fuller around 1914. Fuller was a black renaissance artist who went to Paris to study under Auguste Rodin.
When I was in DC, I went to the Smithsonian because I had to see the African-American section and there she was again. The queen! She was standing alone in a corner in a room. I was in the gallery by myself at the time. That was maybe 8 years after seeing the King Tut exhibit. I love that sculpture, I think, because she represents black women in America.
MsLisa: Thank you so much for talking to me. I love you, girl!
Queen: I love you too!
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| Ethiopia Awakening Meta Vaux Warrick Fuller, African-American (1914) |
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