hey hey. well much to share since *may* of the last post. summer 2009 i went back to beloved guatemala to work on a mural for the los patojos youth center. hard work under blazing hot mornings and heavy rains by mid-afternoon. made some new wonderful friends and found an ex-dear one in a sad state; stumbling drunk in the streets, sallow, and heartbroken by life.
if life has taught me anything it is you can't save a dude from his own wreckage. of course you can support him, but ultimately the work comes from his own force of will and determination. any dude does otherwise will drag a woman down to rumination. there is love and then there is exploitation.
the return to cali and friends visit from new york, switzerland, and sydney. good times and good wine. another girlfriend refers me to an independent school in east oakland and by late august i'm offered a contract position teaching spanish and art for the 2009 - 10 school year.
challenging, inspiring and magical place; the school was built on the kemetic principles of ma'at. i had come to the realization recently, teaching with various programs in the EB that i was a bit undone by the reactionary liberal one-love politics a lot of folks were spinning. my belief is how important it is for black kids to be taught by their own people like myself or younger folks in their 20s and 30s; was often met with derision or the 'people of color' tag.
let me just be clear: black people are not in the same boat as 'people of color'. we were not native to the states and were enslaved. this idiom sounds very cool and colorful and inclusive, but we're still largely marginalized, regulated and defined by white society in america. we have so many issues within ourselves and with one another as a people that i came to a personal catharsis; that the work be done by ourselves with a certain degree of autonomy. we don't have it together like most latino, vietnamese , or arab communities. we are essentially isolated from one another and more inclined to fend for ourselves and talk shit about those who're fucking up or downtrodden; even in our own families. this includes myself. i have family issues that make me run the other way or in the least lay very very low.
we can't really be a part of the world until we get it together as a people of this world.
one morning recently i arrived for my tues AM kinder spanish class. they were talking about
each other's complexions. how mind blowing to me that at the age of 5 they are already separating themselves from one another based on the lightness or darkness of their own skin. this is occurring to them before they even see themselves as black children as a whole.
what the fuck. exclamation.
there are many kids in the school of mixed race like myself; more than of my own generation. i personally think this is beautiful and positive for the parents of those kids to have placed them in a black school so that they can cultivate a strong identity and foundation. i was talking with a few of the middle school boys the other day and my opinion that we can't be racist. 'racism was a construct created by the oppressor against the oppressed,' i said. 'we've never been the oppressor in this country, so that reverse racism thing is nonsense. it simply came about to allay white guilt over our history.'
i watch and listen to the kids cut each other to shreds. they're more apt to compete than cooperate. more inclined to hate on their peers than be positive and supportive. everything is a competition. anything of value (love, life, solidarity) is disregarded. cute shoes, cute hair, being cool, winning, being envied - all these surface things have higher value. black americanism.
i'm mentoring a middle school girls' group, sistas of the earth (SOTE). we had a discussion about chris brown and rhiannon. their opinions came down to this; he shouldn't have done it, but she probably provoked him. they even went so far as to say that she had her bruises made-up to look more severe. despite the heinousness of his actions, chris brown is still the ideal black boyfriend. they forgive him.
what this tells me is that even some insane transgression as violence can be forgiven if he's cute and driving a lamborghini before he's 20. the content of his character, his lack of respect for women is essentially irrelevant.
we did some visualization exercises: beyonce on vacation, reading a book, eating lunch. without consulting one another, all the girls had her in some posh resort in the caribbean kickin it with a tropical drink and coconut shrimp. not a cabin in some croatioan village or hiking the woods. another exercise, jennifer hudson at her family's funeral. 3 out of 5 had her in a blue dress, high heel shoes, and her hair nicely done. all images of hudson that are common in the media (i often see her in blue).
innerestin.
and as well the leadership of the school is a trip. one big beautiful chaotic work in progress. information is hoarded, scripts flipped on the regular, conversations of considerable importance discussed quickly in passing. 16 kids getting dumped on me while i'm in class with 20 other kids.
hey man this schedule was in that memo i got at the last minute that i've had to read a thousand times to figure out what the hell. aren't you on the same page?
my most brilliant strategy of perception. the director, sweet a cancer dude as he is, i'm essentially dealing with the blue print of a 12 year old competitive nerd. a dude's character doesn't change with maturity, he just grows pubic hair.
even in the face of challenge humor is my greatest weapon. it gives me the strength to move on or least crack myself up. and laughter is the best medicine when a pomegranate martini is not accessible.
much love
mslisa
