black dog blues

here it comes again; the malcontent, the lone wolf, the black dog blues. i eat everything in sight and then a malaise sweeps over me. this lasts about a week or two before my cycle. the emotional grim reaper. i'm not very well suited to anyone's company. i simply retreat into myself and though i must fake it out in the world (working, doing stuff), i keep the brave face, smile, avoid deep conversation, but still maintain my ability for social interaction, although nothing too strenuous.

i felt it today dealing with the 6G clowns. seriously could snap a twig. the lady soliders on. it got a bit better. i made taiwo laugh with my 'gay ghetto disco' story from an adventure saturday night. i got loads of hugs from the kids. the day's classes went generally pretty cool. i indulged a fresh blueberry cheese danish in the morning. fuck it!

i ducked out though directly after my last class. i just needed to be home and coalesce; make a bit of dinner, wrap myself in jams and cool out. i go through this every month and just ride it out perhaps with some herbs, loads of tea, and vitamins.

what else can i do? prozac? *not*. i believe that most emotional swings can be adapted to through sheer will and conscious awareness or treated in a holistic way. like yoga vegan tacos or whatever. i have this vision for myself and i'm not a pill popper ill-equipped to deal with life or my own estrogen imbalances woman.

there's always the soothing vibe of oto and of course, dub.

mslisa