fB is generally fun and a cool way to link to friends abroad. sometimes a weird form of passive voyeurism (knowing what's going on in a person's life or their interactions with others without being directly involved). you can also connect with people from the past, which is sadly hit or miss.
i friended a dude i had a massive crush on in 10th grade in high school. he doesn't remember me specifically of course because i was the geeky punk girl lingering in the background pining for the (to me) john hughes type dreamboat who was in a band and....well you get the picture.
teenage wasteland-type shit.
he lives up north and every now and then pops back down to earth to reconnect with friends. over the weekend there was a reunion show with his old ska bandmates. i ended up not going since i was beat and it's not 1982. i mean, honestly the thought of us middle-aged berkeley high kids collectively reliving the past seemed a tad depressing.
we connected this afternoon and i gave him a ride to the airport. he is a sweet and charming dude, but also utterly fucked up. he has mental issues (which he's honest about) on meds to maintain his well being and essentially adrift; keeping himself in tact through and with the kindness and support of others. for a dude of 45 this is odd to me.
his stories are amusing, but something doesn't sound right. either he's embellishing or has the time lines of his life mixed up or is (worst case senario) dellusional. something is just off.
so the teenage fantasy and adult reality collide in my own mind. we didn't really know one another then or have any sort of relationship / friendship. he was the cat i admired from afar. he's a sweet dude though and i am a compassionate woman. we all need to connect to someone even through many degrees of separation from our adolescence. you exist friend, you're okay. i made him laugh and listened to his stories, but it made me a bit sad too to hear him talking about how being a 'mod' is his true self. mod? that was nothing more than a pop culture revival when we were kids in the early 80s.
it's like an elephant in the room. dude is sweet, but deeply wounded and not right in the head.
*sigh* illusions shattered! you really can't go back, ya know.
*****
then he walks in. dinner party at a co-worker's over his excellent cooking and even more nutritional conversation. i meet his classmate james who he referred to lil t's parents for a piano tutor. *blam* exactly the kind of cat i asked the universe to reveal to me. tattoo love boy geek. of course the universe plays cruel ironic jokes on chicks like me: he's 25 years younger,
But that's cool. I am happy to admire from afar and just resign myself to a 'that just don't make no kind of sense' state of mind. shit. cotdamn. :(
i am however being focused on by said colleague and co-worker who is 5 years younger. okay, reasonable right? but i'm not that into him. he's tripped out, high-octane, and i'm not attracted to him in that way. but he is awesome and i really enjoy our conversations.
tattoo love boy! he even plays chopin.....*sigh*
mslisa
No comments:
Post a Comment