really, queen?

i've always adored rupaul since i used to see him in the clubs in new york. this endlessly tall and beautiful drag queen. these were the days when paper magazine was still young and i loved all manner of things house and punk. times square was also a hot mess of human wreckage and i enjoyed it.  the gay clubs were a blast because the creativity was astounding and there were no straight squares to bug you. it was a fun and stark contrast to punk shows and chaos. i learned how to be a lady from the children. i had two gay darlings, one trans who i hung out with back then. they were puerto rican and taught me all manner of things; how to stay safe on the street, how to work my face and hair. i was such a low-femme punk girl nerd.

' girl, a banana is a puerto rican, a raisin is a black dude, and a snowflake is a white dude. so you'd say something like ' that banana was giving me tray. tray is dick cuz you can serve up some dick. or that snowflake was all up in my la cara. la cara means face.' 

tony and jamie used to carry hand held mirrors and switch blades in their purses. they were banji girls, inner glamazons from washington heights. we'd go to dark clubs where the dudes were hooligans; all lithe tattooed torsos, low slung jeans, and adidas. the girls liked rough boys. i'd support friends in drag shows at boy bar and red zone. i still have lady bunny fliers and an illustration i did of leigh bowery with phoebe leger then (she was an actual woman, but still looked like a drag queen who played an accordion among other things). i've always been fascinated by the illusion of drag, the theater, and fashion.

i got a glimmer of  bianca del rio on rupaul's drag race and i cycled through a few seasons. it takes me awhile to catch up and i usually do it in reverse. i spend more time reading than watching anything. bianca i knew of because of her hilarious stand-up. her style is old school like don rickles at the copacabana. she does clown-face drag in hourglass-cut, sequined dresses and spiraling bouffants.

bianca del rio (c) chad sell comics

 i watched the season bianca won and became fascinated with the other queens as i got into it. their make-up techniques and characters, the avant garde of max and pearl who don't wear padding and use their boyish bodies as part of their performance. the generational gap is often hysterical with the young queens in their 20s using the most nonsensical words and phrases. adore delano's (season 7) is priceless:

' party!  hash tag hog-body! hash tag fail! what the fuck, bitch?! ' 

' i thought max looked really cool and avant-garde even though i don't know what that means.' 

' he was in my face all...flazeda.'  said pearl. 

'bitch, whaat? '

pearl got so many jokes out of that non-word she made a perfume out of it. drag gibberish can become a thing. how is cool is that? 

this is entertainment reality so the drama is of course ratcheted up with cheeky cat-fights and reads. there are moments of my story; the sad or sweet tale of coming out, the supportive family, or the harsh childhood. there is always a tale of woe, because we all go through some things and none are immune from the human condition.  there are the old school beauty pageant queens like kennedy davenport and ginger minj whose costumes remind me of dynasty. ginger, with her southern drawl, refers to herself as a glamour toad (hilarious!).

bob the drag queen is a revelation. he's hilariously funny and his reads are legend. ' is beyonce afraid of britney?' he'll ask, looking into the camera with a straight face.  he'll take the racist, stereotype characters of crazy eyes, mix that with buckwheat and turn the madness from the past and the present in on itself - in drag.  genius!

bob the drag queen (cunt) (c) chad sell comics

i have a soft spot for the weirdos like max, trixie mattel, pearl, katya, and adore. they're fascinating in their boyishness, but still look amazing in drag. max is a 6'5 creature out of un chien andalou.  he often wears his hair a metallic gray. violet chachki channels dita von teese, but dragger. she is bananas. you may have seen her reversible tartan plaid jumper walk that went viral. yes, she made that. she's also strikingly good-looking as boy or drag. the bitch destroys!  adore is part punk, part rag doll. some drags, like adore, actually sing and record electro pop albums with original titles such as after party (i'm learning that with millennials an event comes first, then that's followed by an after-party. it's all quite sequential). 

trixie mattel (c) chad sell

laganja estranja is a very thin boy who does a trixie voice to excess (the over the top femme caricature). she's obsessed with weed and has designed horrible jewelry illustrating this. she was an immature, emotional mess. like a child who escaped a bad molly trip at an EDM festival gone horribly wrong. you know, the kid that says ' i almost died!' i do have hope for laganja as she grows up.

laganja estranja (c) chad sell comics

alaska thunderfuck i adore mostly for her name. she has the most amazing high femme gestures and movement; strutting fluidly in stilettos. can you walk in stilettos? i can not said the cat. she also does an hilarious anna wintour impression. last season violet usually won every runway challenge.  she's really stunning, whether in a corset cinched within an inch of her life, or her bearded drag in a 1950s dior inspired a-line dress. she even managed to make a rainbow clown jumper look cool. she also does aerial burlesque if you can imagine such a thing.

violet chachki (tartan realness) (c) chad sell comics

aesthetically i adore violet's and max's vintage-inspired glam. i find classic or unusual style to be  much more compelling than trendy. ombre and i are not friends. still, i adore the artistry and performance of drag and the illusion of gender. it interesting to me that drag can be somewhat paradoxically feminine.

        max (c) chad sell

 i love the idea of mystery and allure, but this generation has no interest in mystery or allure.  no one is really quiet anymore. everyone has ADD or speaks in made-up words like game-changer, acro-yoga or brand.  to me a brand is a cereal or a cleaning product that gets the job done. i'm such a geezer i have no idea how these girls ever have time to twitter or instagram between shows and tours. i deleted facebook off my phone because the struggle is real. i have an existentialist dilemma with apps.

now sissy that walk! 

one thing i'm hardcore about is having the bravery to be oneself.  not to be hip or impress or conform to any cultural trend or norm. authentic is savagely beautiful to me. i'm a straight anomaly, particularly for a black woman who has loved rude boy style and vintage since the 1980s. i've always been a weirdo who did my own thing.  a friend was aghast i would dare go to an industrial show in overalls and yet still be a mistress of the dark realm. there's no rule book that says spooky equals the absence of color or denim. i think i've always secretly been a drag queen, just too lazy to live the dream. these girls put in work! it's staggering and exhausting the shenans they have to go through on drag race. i'm content to be my regular fish self, chillin at home in my african-print rompers, rooting for the weird children.

 my goal is always to come from a place of love, but sometimes you just got to break it down for a motherfucker. - rupaul